i went to the doctor today about my foot. they still don't know what's wrong with me. another steroid cream prescribed. my blood pressure was freakishly low as usual and so was my temperature - 96.7 degrees. i weigh more than i've ever weighed in my life.

this tragedy means i must quit drinking for an indeterminate period of time. i will also be going back to the gym daily and continuing my attempts at dance dance revolution mastery.

this weekend i'll be rockin' yoga at samadhi on saturday from 4pm-5:30pm and sunday from 2:30-4pm should anyone be interested in joining me ;)

i hate running. in middle school, we were required to run the mile. at first, i honestly tried.. but after only a short distance, my throat burned as though i had strep throat, i could barely breathe, and i had a terrible side cramp. i decided i loathed running, and from then on i would alternate between half-jogging and walking... clocking in at a 16-minute mile. needless to say, this resulted in everyone making fun of me incessantly. they couldn't stand the fact that they were making an effort and i clearly wasn't. i already didn't like how running felt physically, and now i decided i didn't like it psychologically either. so as soon as i was no longer forced to do it, i quit.

there are plenty of kinds of exercise that i actually like... skating, ballet, dance, yoga, swimming.. i even like cardio and weights. but instead of focusing on those, i have decided to start running again. i really don't know why... my hatred for it has definitely NOT declined with age. it hurts my thighs, knees, lungs, side... it is generally thoroughly unenjoyable. there's probably some sort of correct breathing method that i'm not using, or a way to align my feet. also, my 40gb ipod is really annoying to run with. i have an armband, but it still bounces up and down really hard and feels heavy and uncomfortable.

my bizarre nutrition class instructor says that she'll give us extra credit if we consume wheatgrass for two weeks and then write a paper about the experience. i've only had wheatgrass once, and it was at gravity bar (r.i.p.) they put it in a stainless steel juicer that was separate from all the other juicers. so i'm not sure i can throw it in my regular juicer.. and i'm not motivated to buy a special juicer for it. i suppose i could go to madison market every day and buy it because i'm assuming they have it.. but that seems like it'd get really expensive. i already have my buying-a-latte-every-day-before-class habit and i'm not sure i want to throw a wheatgrass habit in the mix, too. i found this wheatgrass powder online, but i'm not sure if that counts.

trader joe's has this new yogurt which is supposedly imported from italy. same calories/etc as normal yogurt, but it's ginger & cinnamon flavor. SO GOOD. comes in cute little glass jars, although i actually wish it didn't since i'm just going to recycle them anyway.

my last final is on monday (for my javascript/sql/coldfusion class). i'm frightened because starting next month, i have to take an in-person class :( the class i'm taking is also an odd one - nutrition. (it fulfills a science transfer requirement). i've been taking all my classes online for the past two years (maybe longer?) and i am NOT looking forward to returning to a normal class. i *hate* regular classes. they all move at a snail's pace with people raising their hands every few minutes to ask idiotic questions. i have a really hard time paying attention. if i have a notebook in front of me, i start writing little plans for websites and events that i'd like to throw someday and mixtapes and whathaveyou, and then i look up and the class is over.

my other class is online per usual, but it appears that a lot of the transfer classes aren't offered online :( i hope that this having-to-be-physically-present-for-class crap isn't going to happen every quarter from now on, but i fear that it may. to make matters worse, it's at 7:30AM... which'll mean getting up at 6-6:30AM every day, then going to work and getting home at 7-7:30PM. blech. i am NOT a morning person.

i hope that learning about nutrition will help with the current belly protrusion issue. there's no way i could wear the same outfits i wore to burning_man again this year if the current situation continues..

last night i drank one beer.

this morning i woke up and puked for hours and had a horrible headache. tried to eat, puked again. slept. woke up, felt the same. repita.

i loathe my adult body. i eat barely anything and it gains weight. i drink a minute amount and get a hangover. it wants to sleep ALL the time and in my opinion i give it MORE than enough sleep. (well, okay, maybe 4-5 hrs/night is not quite sufficient. but it used to be when i was younger :(

i consider myself a creature of the night, as do most that have known me. yet for the past week i've woken up each day between 6-8am and been unable to get back to sleep. it's not because i'm not tired.. i'm incredibly tired. i haven't been going to bed early. my body's decided to enforce its own ridiculous schedule for reasons unknown.

this shit makes me incredibly grumpy. i've never had a problem sleeping in before. usually i have a problem getting up, not staying down! my previous technique was to eat something and then the resulting food-coma put me under.. that no longer seems to work.

when i lay down my thoughts keep racing in circles. the nonstop ruckus isn't boring, just poorly timed. head, why won't you chill the fuck out? :( if this continues it's going to be very detrimental to me.

i'm terribly nearsighted. when my contacts aren't in, i'm 'legally blind'. i can barely make out the keys on the keyboard if i'm sitting right in front of it. when i was 8, i started wearing glasses. at the time, since my vision was so bad, the lenses resembled the so-called coke bottle thickness. despite all the stereotypes about kids, no one really gave me any shit about wearing glasses. but i hated them and wanted contacts badly.

when i was 12 i tried to get soft contacts. at the eye doctor, they assigned a horrible woman named marsha to teach me how to use them. i was terrified, shaking, and she rolled her eyes and couldn't figure out what scared me so much about touching my eye. after three unsuccessful sessions, she told me that she didn't have time for this and that if i couldn't put them in and take them out on the fourth attempt she'd advise my parents that i wasn't ready for contacts.

i failed. i went home miserable. my mom had hard contacts and told me that you could take them out without touching your eyes. when i was 18, i bought myself a pair and taught myself how to use them. i still don't use them the way that you're supposed to. i take them out with a little device that looks like a toilet plunger.

on rare occasions, my eyes get really dry and the contact sticks to my eye. when it does that i can't use the plunger because it rips the skin off the surface of the eye and hurts like a mofo. generally i just put some eye drops in and it starts moving again. but today was one of the rare days when that doesn't work and i spend hours crying and blinking and wiggling and crying trying to get the damn thing loose enough so i can take it off.

i'm wearing glasses again. they're nothing like the ones of old, of course.. these are thin, cats-eye shaped, burgundy. but i'm tired of dealing with contacts and glasses. i'm seriously considering laser eye surgery. i'm scared of it, though, even though i know technology has improved considerably. tomorrow i'm going to start researching the costs and whether insurance covers any of it. i can't deal with this shit anymore.

i've spent too much money over the years at gravity bar. it's time to get my own damn juicer. i have a food processor, but it's my mom's from the 80's. it's hard to use, hard to clean, and pulp-filled. i also have a $15 blender from fred meyer which is utter crap.

it must take wheatgrass and vegetables and fruit and reduce them to glory. it must be easy and quick to clean. i turn to you, juicing experts.

back in seattle and will post a real review with photos, etc. as soon as i'm feeling like a human being again. i started getting sick on sunday. it's gotten worse and worse. i can barely talk now. apparently the ol' body disliked an extended vacation which consisted of regularly staying up all night, smoking cigarettes, drinking, eating badly, etc.

please forgive me, poor injured body. i'm quitting smoking, not going to drink for a long time, going to eat as close to vegan as possible, and won't be at another music event until the laptop battle next weekend.