"A man once told me that you step out of your door in the morning, and you are already in trouble. The only question is are you on top of that trouble or not?" Walter Mosely


in a lot of ways i feel like 2008 was me doing it wrong.

i definitely accomplished some concrete goals: losing weight, quitting smoking, applying to uw, taking up yoga and practicing regularly enough to improve my flexibility & strength, cutting back on my drinking, helping organize several large and successful parties and a bunch of projects for our burning man camp, biking more including (gasp) around cities and near cars, getting a sweet new tattoo, making positive changes to nwtekno and upgrading it (though endquote really did most of the work there).

i also did have some good times in 2008. i love all the people in my life right now.

but despite having great people surrounding me, i all too frequently failed at having fun. i wanted to make too many people happy simultaneously. i was unrealistic about how much responsibility i could take on, both financially and emotionally. i loaned money i didn't have to loan. i volunteered for projects when i already had more on my plate than i could handle. i tried to solve other people's problems for them and ignored my own problems. i repeatedly did things because other people wanted me to do them even if they weren't things i truly wanted to do. i let people do things that hurt me and made excuses about why i shouldn't have felt hurt about them. all too many vacations, parties, or events that i had high hopes for turned into me being unhappy, broke, and stressed out. i didn't sleep nearly enough. i held myself back from things i really wanted to do out of fear that they might hurt someone i cared about. in general i overextended myself repeatedly and suffered for it. my intentions were almost always positive but i got so stressed out that i frequently moped around morosely or cruelly snapped at the very people i was trying to help.

so my major goal for 2009 is to stop biting off more than i can chew. pushing yourself to do more than you think is possible is not always healthy or a recipe for personal growth. i wouldn't walk into the gym after being sedentary and immediately try to bench press 200 pounds. but i frequently do the equivalent when it comes to my personal life and berate myself when it inevitably doesn't go well.

subgoals:

- financial stability. i'm normally great with money despite last year's venture into irresponsibility. it's just easy to fall into bad habits. i know i can correct them.
- more & varied exercise. this also isn't something i've entirely been failing at, but i want to kick it up a notch. in addition to yoga there'll be interval cardio training, swimming laps regularly, pilates, ddr and weights.
- travel more realistically. i had a fantastic time in nyc & montreal but none of my other trips went very well. no matter how fun it is, i shouldn't actually be spending hundreds of dollars bouncing from city to city when i'm broke. or else i should at least get better at putting responsibility out of my mind ;)
- take bike classes. i'm not good at biking and still mostly terrified of hills and cars. i would love to ultimately use it as a true means of transportation rather than an occasional 2 mile trip on a flat road on a sunny day.
- study cooking. i've never learned basic techniques like how to chop things quickly, etc. i use the excuse that i can't afford cooking classes but they make dvds for these things and there are probably plenty of online video tutorials too.
- figure out my laptop situation. it's making me severely unhappy to not have a functional computer of my own. this goes hand in hand with my money problems but hopefully i can fix them simultaneously.
- reopen the ebay store. i keep putting this off because since i have no functional laptop i can only do this by borrowing other people's laptops/power cords and i hate feeling like i'm imposing on them. but i really need the money so i have to get over that.
- schedule alone time at places outside my house. for most of my previous adult life i lived alone and that made it easy to relax/destress whenever things were getting hectic. almost every day of the week i'm being social at the expense of my projects and goals. i adore my house and roommates but being there can be very distracting. it sounds bizarre to say that your house is too much fun but that's often the issue. it's hard to work on a project, read a book, or even lay around in the bathtub when the sounds of lots of people doing fun things are audible. even when i try, people often knock on my door and announce that they're doing something awesome and it's nearly impossible not to want to join the party. so i've decided that i need to actively pursue a night a week where i am not at home AND not doing things with other people. i was much better about that when my laptop was working but really i don't need a laptop to do it.
- start growing some of my own herbs/vegetables/fruit. i wanted to do this last year but didn't get started on the project in time. the few herbs i have on the windowsill just make me want more.
- more experiments with sex & dating
- being a great student, if all goes well *fingers crossed*